Reviving blogs and marriages

I finally figured out how to access my old blog.  Had to remember password and/or login.  Finally got it worked out.

Interesting to see what I was writing three years ago.  Geeeezzz...that's a long time!

I read my niece's blog today and was just so impressed with how she included pics of the kids and all about what's going on in their family.  Might just try that.

But here's what has me up at 2:30 a.m.  At age 44, we've hit the divorce age.  You know... there's a time when all your friends are getting married, then they're all having babies and now, well, too many of them are divorcing...or separating...or thinking about one of those.  One couple split up last year when he decided to find a newer, younger woman to fill his bed.  Another friend dumped her husband who spent most of his time surfing rather than working.  A mom of 4 kids kicked the husband out when he refused to stay sober...and now he wants partial custody.  And a relative of mine is divorcing her husband who has the same problem but with an added drug problem, too.  We just learned this week that another couple is about to separate.  Their kids don't even know yet.  Damn.  What is going on???  

And here's the irony.  My mother-in-law was just moved into an Alzheimer's facility yesterday.  She didn't really understand it.  But my father-in-law feels awful for moving his wife of 64 YEARS out of the house.  They are separated but don't want to be.  How cruel is that?  They make it to 64 years and he has to move her out because he just can't care for her.  He'd rather be with her, to hold her in his arms at night, to sit with her, but now he can't because her brain is atrophying and she isn't who she used to be.  She's like a toddler now and needs help with the simplest tasks.  And he can't do all of that for her.  Really, no ONE person could.  It will take a team of people to meet her needs.  So she has to be away from home.  And he has to be alone.  But they don't really want to separate...

So is this meant to be a lesson for the rest of us???  Do your best to stick it out together so that when you're in your 80's you'll have someone who wants to visit you in your nursing home?  It makes me want to redouble my efforts to keep my marriage going.  How about you?

I'm B-A-A-A-C-K

I've completely gotten out of the habit of posting - if it ever really WAS a habit in the first place. I was SO excited when I set up my little blog corner of the world that several times throughout each day I'd have ideas for my blog. Then I'd sit down to write and they'd fly out of my head, never to be seen or heard from again... But I'm going to give this another shot. Maybe I just need to cruise around and see what everyone else is blogging about and I'll realize that I don't have to be too terribly profound, ya know???

Last weekend, the kids and I planted some seeds. It's not actually a garden, just some pots and a little planter, but they were thrilled and I'm kinda excited to see if things actually grow. We've been in this house for 3 1/2 years and never tried to grow too much, just some tomatoes in pots. (And they don't grow so well when you forget to water them...) It's rained for the past week and it's raining right now, so everything should be well-watered, at any rate. Hopefully the poor little seeds won't rot or float away. We planted enough seeds that there's room for spoilage, etc. We planted carrots, tomatoes, zucchini, marigolds, mint, basil, morning glories and sunflowers. It should be lots of fun for the kids to see it all come up over time. We planted a few seeds of each in mini peat pots inside, just in case the outside ones die out. Those ones have started to come up - especially the sunflower seeds! Man, I think I could sit there and watch and actually see those things grow!

As for this rain, well, it's not typical Central Coast of California stuff. I'm pretty sick of it and they say it's just gonna keep coming for at least the next week... I'm really quite spoiled as a native Californian - I don't know what REAL weather is like. However, I must say, that I AM a native Californian because my dad is a native Torontonian (is there such a word???) and moved to California because he never wanted to have to shovel snow again in his life - and he hasn't!!

So here are my latest thoughts about how I will run the world when I'm in charge... :-)
***When you sign your kids up for sports, the coaches will have listed what days and times and locations that they will have practices. That way, you can choose what fits best in your already crammed schedule and the kids won't have to give up one activity for another. Just a thought!
***When we give our kids medicine, we always stick a Post-It note on the bathroom mirror listing which kid got what medicine in what amount at what time, and appropriate details such as temperature. That way, when someone needs meds in the middle of the night, we don't have to remember what was given - it's all right there in front of us. (Both kids have fevers right now, so this is near and dear to my heart at the moment!)
***My other hot tip is about prescription medicines - for kids or the dog or even for us. Imake a grid on a Post-It note (God I love those things!!) with however many doses for however many days. Then as I give the medicine, I just check off the box. No more trying to remember when they were last given meds, etc. SO easy.

OK, I guess that's enough for now. As I've said, as soon as I sit down, everything I wanted to write goes right out of my head. Oh well...

My New Year's UNresolution

I've been really lame about posting recently so I thought I'd better start the new year right. For the past several years my resolution has been the same: "Don't make any New Year's resolutions." And, guess what? I've finally come up with a resolution I keep!! I hate setting myself up for failure by promising to exercise more or eat better or whatever. It only lasts a few days and then I feel guilty and maybe depressed. So screw it. Resolutions are OUTTA HERE!

But I could take this time to count my blessings, so to speak. OK then...well, the obvious one is that my kids are happy and healthy and beautiful and smart. I am amazed daily at the things they put together, the conclusions they make. Between them I bet there are 300 IQ points. No joke. OK, enough bragging, back to gratitude...hmmm, I want to say I'm grateful for my health, but I'm afraid I'll jinx myself there. I'm SO, SO, SO grateful for my dear friends who support me and help me and keep me sane. (Well, almost sane!) I'm grateful for my home that, while never exactly tidy, is bright and warm and sunny. (Except this past weekend when we got something like 6 inches of rain!) I'm grateful that I have the ability to make the choice to stay home and raise my children. (Remind me of that when they're bickering at dinner time...) I am grateful, too, that my husband works hard to provide for all of us. I am grateful that he is making a tremendous effort to be a good father to our kids and a good husband to me.

So, all in all, I enter 2006 blessed with much good fortune. One never knows what the coming year will bring . . . and I'm glad I don't know, so I don't have to spend any time worrying about it!! May there be more joys than sorrows this year - for me and for you.

Happy HolidayS - ALL of them

We're well into the Christmas season. Last weekend was the local Christmas parade and a work Christmas party. I got the Christmas cards last week and will send those soon. Today the whole family went to see The Nutcracker. We got all dressed up and REALLY enjoyed the production. Tomorrow after church we'll take the kids to buy gifts for kids whose parents are in prison. (A project through church.) Then we'll go to a Christmas party for the kids, with cookie decorating and a visit from Santa.

So as you can tell, I'm into enjoying the season. We've only recently begun attending church - I was a raised a "cultural Christian" and we went to church on Easter and Christmas at best. But I was always taught to respect every religion - that each religion is just a different pathway to reach the same place. So I'm disgusted with the Jerry Fallwell attitude that Christmas is "under attack" when someone says "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." How egotistical is it to insist that Christmas is the only holiday being celebrated at this time of year?? Hanukkah is usually celebrated in December and, depending on their lunar calendars, Ramadan and Tet may also fall in December. In addition, the African American celebration of Kwanzaa begins on December 26. And, truly, to my mind, "The Holidays" also means Thanksgiving and New Year. So along with being inclusive of and respectful toward the celebrations of many religions, and even those with NO religion, "Happy Holidays" includes other special days.

I recently participated in an online poll which told the story of a town somewhere where the city erected a tree in a public place and there was a controversy over whether the thing should be called a "Christmas" tree or a "Holiday" tree. Man, the comments were extremely vitriolic and divisive! I was astounded at the number of comments written along the lines of: "This is America which was founded by Christians, so if you don't like it, go back to wherever you came from!" HELLO!!! This country was, indeed, founded BY Christians, HOWEVER, it was not founded AS a Christian nation. It was founded on the basis of RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. The Pilgrims came here to escape the religious persecution they were experiencing in England. And, guess what? Most of the people celebrating other holidays are AMERICAN CITIZENS - they are entitled to worship as they please and NOT have THEIR government erect symbols of ANY religion. City, state and local governments should NOT be involved in celebrating any religious holiday. For that matter, I believe they should not be saying an "invocation" or prayer before a school board meeting (done here in this area) or any meeting of a public entity.

So, HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you!! And, whatever you celebrate, may it be filled with joy!

Don't Interrupt Us!

Recently my husband and I were interrupted while we were, uhh, "being intimate." One of the kids knocked on the bedroom door. ("Can I come in?" "No." "Why not?" "Because sometimes Mommies and Daddies need privacy!") We have come to call these intrusions "kiddus interruptus."

Not to be outdone, a few days ago our feline friend (who believes she "owns" our bed, and, specifically, MY pillow) began coughing and getting ready to hack up a hairball, just as the husband and I lay down together... thus "cattus interruptus."

Even the dog barks and "talks" whenever we so much as hug! Her behavior is now termed "caninus interruptus."

So I have an idea! Someone needs to invent a remote control bedroom door CLOSER and LOCKER, a la the garage door closer. That way, when things start to heat up, we can just hit the remote and the bedroom door CLOSES and LOCKS. All interrupters are held at bay - no more close calls, and fewer interruptions!

Living life to its fullest

Sometimes in my life, I hear the same thing from several very different sources, as though I'm MEANT to "get" whatever that message is. (Call it God, serendipity, whatever...I just recognize that it's happening.) Recently the message has been about living life to the fullest. Last week it came in the form of my dance teacher relaying a story her father used to tell.

At the end of the hour of adult jazz dancing, our wonderful, wise instructor has us cool-down with stretches to soothing music and then lie in "corpse pose" on the floor - on our backs with our bodies completely relaxed. She then shares a bit of wisdom with us. This time she reminded us that we are each like sailing ships. While a new sailboat might be made of gorgeous mahogany and gleaming brass, its point is not to stay, pristine, anchored in the harbor. Its job is to journey out onto the sea. There will be days of beautiful calm, serene seas and days of ferocious storms. Some of the brass may tarnish and some of the wood may warp, but the ship is doing the job it's meant to do, SAIL. Like the sailboat, we must venture out into life, knowing that there will be calm days and stormy days, easy times and rough times. But savoring each day for its uniqueness and LIVING each day, rather than just surviving it in some safe harbor.

I've heard this message, too, from Oprah and Maya Angelou - live life being fully in the moment. I'm working on this, as I'm the queen of multi-tasking and not really enjoying ANY of the things I'm doing. And this applies particularly to spending time with my kids. I find my mind wandering off to the next task, bill to pay, phone call I need to make, etc., while I'm talking with them or playing with them. The time I have with them, I realize, is extraordinarily short. I must stop my brain from racing ahead and SAVOR those moments with my babies.

Our pastor prays each week something along the lines of: "Lord, let me have everything, let me have nothing. Let me be employed for you, let me be put aside for you..." His point is, let me experience all life has to offer: all the richness of happiness and the depths of sadness, of having and of needing, ALL of it, for that is the journey we are meant to take.

I've certainly had all of it in my life, the joys and the sorrows. But have I savored it, appreciated the complexities and depth of it all? Not so much. But now I'm working on it. (I say as I sit alone in front of my computer! However, maybe spending time in introspection is the beginning of appreciating my life...) Because, really if I'm not enjoying, savoring, appreciating each moment, what's life for?

Welcome to My Addiction

I was told that blogging would become an addiction, and I can already see that. All day long I've been thinking of things that I want to include here. I'm going to have to keep a running list. And I'm going to have to find time to do this and still keep up with the housework. (Well, ok, let's be truthful here - just not get any further behind than I already am!)

This is going to be my forum for my random thoughts and musings, as well as my rants and raves. As you can already tell, I pretty much have an opinion on everything - hence the title. I've posted my first two rants - believe me there will be more to come! But I also want to share wisdom. I'm finding this to be a time in my life of LOTS of change and soul-searching. (That's why it's called a mid-life crisis, you know!) I'm having the opportunity to look at life in a whole new way. Perhaps age does bring wisdom?? Maybe I'm on my way to that.

So here's something I heard recently. A wise older woman gave my dear friend the following pieces of advice:

Raise your children to leave you.
She said this upon the birth of my friend's first child and I believe her point was to let my friend know just how short our time with our children is, and that it's our job to prepare them to be adults. So raise those babies with an eye toward the future. We need to ask ourselves, "What's going to be the best thing for them in the long run?" Not just what will make the child happy now, but what should I do that, over the long-term, will help make him or her a happy, well-adjusted adult?

This can be a tough one. Sometimes we just don't want to fight those battles - and sometimes it's fine not to. But other times our kids just need to know that the world *gasp* does NOT revolve around them. Yes, it's easier to pick up after them/do things for them than nag them to get them to do it themselves, but in the long run are we doing them any favors?

I'm a classic example. I went off to college and lived in a dorm with two bedrooms, a living room and a bathroom. (We got our meals in the dining commons.) Here we were, four very spoiled girls who, clearly, had not been required to do much housework. Long about November we looked into the toilet bowl and wondered, "What's that greenish stuff growing inside the bowl?" Not ONE of us had thought to BUY a toilet brush, much less use it!!! (Needless to say, we learned!)

Take care of yourself. No one else is going to do it for you.
This one, while seemingly obvious, is deep in its subtlety. As mothers, it is particularly easy to get lost in everyone else's needs and neglect our own. We spend so much time nurturing and caretaking, that we forget that we, too, need nurturing. And we need to be the ones to do it. That means scheduling time to do things that recharge our batteries, so we have energy to give to those we love. It's the old oxygen mask story - on airplanes, the flight attendants tell you to put your OWN mask on first, THEN the child's. Why? Because if you pass out, there's no one there to put it on your child! So we need to refuel ourselves in order to have something to give to others.

Going to bunco, taking a dance class, meeting a friend for coffee, getting a pedicure, and reading, are some of my battery rechargers. What I need to work on is refueling myself with SLEEP! That's my big area to work on. How about you? What are you doing for yourself? What are you working on? I'd love to hear...

Pet Peeves

Parking Lot Designs
Someone ought to realize that when you get out of your car, you are suddenly a PEDESTRIAN and design the parking lot/structure with that in mind! I mean, there are cars rushing about and nowhere safe to walk. Occasionally you'll find a parking area with a sidewalk between the noses of the parked cars where you can walk safely. That makes so much sense! You really don't realize the importance of this until you are walking in a parking lot with children, as I did today. It was late afternoon and the grocery store parking lot was busy. I had both kids holding onto the cart, so if I stopped the cart, they would stop, too. I had to be VERY observant and vigilant as cars were moving all around us. We managed to navigate our way safely to the van, but it really got me thinking. Drivers can't see kids when they're backing up because the kids are too short, and kids don't understand brake lights and reverse lights, etc. Children will usually follow along if you say, "Stay on the sidewalk," but there are none in parking lots, and few in parking structures. Even if there were a painted pedestrian "path" to walk on, then drivers would be aware of it, people could walk in a designated place and kids would have a defined area to walk within.

Turn Signals
While I'm on the subject of cars, let me just spout off about turn signals. A turn signal is there to give drivers behind you a clue as to what you are about to do. It allows those of us not currently reading your mind to have the opportunity to slow down and not smash into you. So when you're reasonably close to your turn, go ahead and flip on the blinker. It doesn't cost anything extra, and your fellow drivers will appreciate it. (But it doesn't count if you hit the brakes out of the blue and THEN turn on your signal as you're turning. That sort of defeats the point, as the driver behind you has already figured out what you're doing and has sent a stream of cuss words in your direction.)